born this way

believe it or not this blog post is named after the lady gaga song.
hey its a great song with a great message so dont even think about judging.

ok so heres the gist
wow i just realized i begin alot of these that way
so over these past few weeks i've really tried to see who i was.
i've always been compared to other people.

one of the volzke children
owens sister
claires hot big sister- no i didnt pay them to say that
that middle child

ive realized from being the middle child its really difficult
being the first has its advantages. your the learning child so you can really do anything. ex- stand on your baby sisters chest when shes 2 months old and has had heart surgery- yep he did that- mom doesnt think i could breathe- i think he was trying to kill me- ha! i'm still here : )
being the middle, your parents have learned from their "mistakes" (i'd call it fun) and now are implenting the actions on you. so you cant get away with anything
being the third, they've already dealt with two so they let you slide since they have bigger fish to fry. ex- owens asthma, julias heart condition, school. the only disadvantage is that you get drug around everywhere

so i'm stuck forever in the middle of this wacko trio of siblings.-fantastic
if it were up to me i'd totally be the oldest. your the learning child. and also the star of the family. so i have to live up to a star. which i'm not going to lie kinda sucks.

unfortunantly after all these years i'm still compared to owen AND I'M 17

will people finally realize that i AM NOT OWEN!! we look nothing alike. hes blonde, i'm brunette(ish). hes blue eyed , i'm brown. hes nerdy, i'm not. hes kinda mean, i'm a social butterfly. hes lucky, i try to be. thank goodness i'm not compared to my little sister or else i'd really be screwed.

people have told me over the years "you dont need to be him, be yourself". i didnt realize that i could finally step out and be myself until today.

i found out my friends are having a party and i was not invited (yep i found out). and my mom wouldnt let me go sit with a friend during his chemo because "i'm afraid you'll get lost" - i had turn by turn directions from my house to the hospital with a map.

so today i was fed up with pleasing people
i was fed up with people thinking i couldnt do something and lying to my face
i was tired of people doubting me
so i did something scandalous
ok it wasnt scandalous but it was different then my usual personality
i dolled myself up (wow! i know i can do that), told my sister i was going to the mall and i did
i went to the mall all by myself all because i wanted to.
no reason but that i felt like it
its my life so why not live it

also we are redoing my room so we've been looking at stuff and i have ideas. and my mom being the person she is, is putting her 2 cents in. actually its more like 30
but i've decided today that its my room and i have to live with it until i'm tired of it.
i have a theme in mind and i'll make my room all my own

i am original
i am unique
i am different
i am unusual
i am special
i am singular

this is who i am
i am quirky, i make mistakes, i cant keep a boyfriend for very long, i write blogs about my life, i love peppermint, i play the bassoon and am part of the marchingband at my highschool which i  adore, i love words- ones with odd meanings make my day, i am a daddys girl, i am not completely sure if i believe in a god that lives in heaven, but i do go to church as a guidline for life,how to live my life -oh wow thats the first time i've ever admited that outside of my head- , i think of grand come backs in my head and they never seem to come out how i planned. i cant argue, i am not perfect

this is who i am
and if you cant accept that
that i was born this way
then your not worth my time
so deal with it

oh and dont forget- i'm on the right track, baby i was born this way hey!

<3