every person who has ever been used totally knows what being used feels like
it sucks
let me just tell you that
i have been used
believe it or not
the unique music blogger chick actually has been used by guys
i know suprising
i dont get why guys like to use me
i guess because i'm "hot", i just think i'm pretty
they think i'd be a great booty call
when really i'm not that experienced
and i would never and will never be a booty call
that would be an all time low for me
i just wont
i need respect
i demand it
i will never stoop to that level of using my body that way
no way in h e double hockey sticks will i ever be that
i am many things
and will be many things
but i will never be a booty call
i was having a very similar conversation with one of my best friends nick miller yesterday
and he doesnt understand it either
there is soo much more to me then just what i look like
i was talking to an ex and he had criticized my date idea and was trying to pull himself out of what he did
and he was complimenting me
and all the compliments were mostly about what i looked like
not really who i was inside
beauty is more than skin deep
i think the using initially started in 8th grade
this boy "liked" me because i was "hot" and "smart" - really it wasnt hard to be smarter then him because i was supposed to be in honors science and somehow was in regular and he was supposed to be in that class
he was the popular bad boy
not my type at all
so he asked me out
and i was very suprised
i went on for about a week and i just sort of knew he wasnt right
i turned him down
and people glared at me
legitimatly glared at me
and he pretended to cry if i ever turned him down
so i felt bad
i think thats the first time i let people use me against myself
why should i feel bad for turning down a guy that would have just hurt me more then do good
he would have used me i know
i guess i was so desperate for something that remotely resembled a relationship that it took me a week to actually turn him down- i know it was stupid middle school drama, but being the girl that never had a boyfriend or was ever well noticed, it was sort of nice to have some small shred of a relationship and for one small minute fit in
thank god i got over that
i did have thoughts that it could work
and then they would be overwhelmed by thoughts of those saying "he will hurt you" and "he is not for you" and "what will happen anyways?"
the next was probably that one guy that i had a fling with the summer before my junior year
yeah.....
yeah.....
and the next was the guy at summer camp this summer
i said "it was a great learning experience"- it was maybe 24 hours
and he replied "it was an experience"
nothing more
nothing less
just something that happened
no strings attached
just something
none of them really cared
they just wanted to use me
my good friend nick asked me a few days ago "what is up with you and getting used by guys?"
i answered "i have no idea"
so i'm done with being used
i wont let any of these guys back into my life, if they didnt care about me to start with and only got to know me for personal gain they have officially become scum and will never be someone who i care about deeply.
they never really cared
the just wanted something out of it that i didnt want to give and will never give to a guy like that
i learned something from each
the first guy- dont give into peer pressure,and just because the guy is popular and seems perfect, doesnt mean you should go out with him
the second guy- dont believe everything a guy whos too good to be true says, and take it slow
the third guy- guard your heart and listen to your friends,and dont tear your self apart over that one of the reasons he didnt want to continue anything was because you were taller than him.
i learned from each and now i know the truth that they were just trying to use me
i know now to listen to my heart,
take it slow and at my own pace that i am comfortable at
dont let others influence your opinion on what you should or shouldnt do- mostly on what i should do
love yourself for who you are, even if you are taller then 75% of guys in your class- it sucks being a 5' 10" tall girl
so the song "best thing i never had" by beyonce
pretty well describes how i feel towards these guys now
i have moved on and now i am a stronger person because of it
they all taught me something and probably somewhere in the depths of their minds they are thinking "d*mn! i totally screwed up that time. what was a thinking?!?"
"did you expect me to care?"- not any more
"you dont deserve my tears" - i have cried over each of you, but no longer
"i guess thats why they aint there"- will never cry over you again
so if this is to all males out there that even have a small shred of thought that they would like to use me
DONT!
i will not let you
and will never let you
and there will be h e double hockey sticks to pay if you do
i'm a stronger person
i'm smarter than i was
and i have learned
i am an unstoppable force
if your not the wind at my back, your the wind to my face
dont hold me down
dont even think about trying to use me
because i will never be the used again
and i will never be the user ever
and to all the guys that have done me wrong
"i bet it sucks to be you right now"
