songs that make me

i believe that music has an incredible force on our earth
we can hear it but it will mean different things to different people
and written music such as that you can play on an instrument is the universal language. how cool is that?
so here are some of the songs that mean something to me and make me who i am
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stronger- kelly clarkson- she hasnt had alot of luck with guys and shes alot like me in that way and because of that she can still function and doesnt let it get her down, very strong woman

closer i am to fine- indigo girls- this song makes me feel so good and very peaceful and reminds me of MADD camp and make me really look at myself and see if who i am is what i want to be

set fire to the rain- adele-such a strong and wonderful song, and i get this great image of like tear drops of fire on a totally dark sky

you make me feel like- cobra starship- i just dance alot to this

love story- taylor swift- will irrevocably will be the song that will remind of jon greisinger. first boy i ever fell for and that song just reminds me of my freshman homecoming and dancing the night away with him. i will always have a soft spot in my heart for him

jesse's girl- rick springfield-just love that song

some nights-fun.- such a strong song and makes me want to get up and make something happen

iris-goo goo dolls- gorgeous song and it reminds me not to cut myself off from the world and to go and experience something. to not be afraid of what people will think and to just love myself

heavy- florence and the machine- just love it.

rocky mountain high- john denver- first song i think i ever learned or remember hearing and it makes me appreciate colorado and brings me back to my roots and who i am

50 ways to say goodbye- train- hilarious song! i love it so much!!

the cave- mumford and sons- allegory of the cave :)

little talks- of monsters and men- just a great song to listen to- trippy music video

kiss you goodnight- gloriana- my heart aches to have this happen to me someday. so beautiful and so much great tension that you can just sense and that you want to explode into something beautiful :) its a trap for romantic saps like me.

landslide- fleetwood mac- just shows this great healing process and how this person finds who they are. i love it :) putting yourself back together

dog days- florence and the machine- just a great song and i cant get enough of it!

gonna get over you- sara bareilles- fun up beat song about getting over that person and just moving on. i just like to dance to it :)

i'll be-edwin mccain- i know it is played at every single dance ever as a slow dance but its so pretty and i just melt. plus if i dont have anyone to dance with i dance with the single ladies and we do interpretive dancing, and its fun :)

little lion man- mumford and sons- just love that song

somebody that i used to know- pentatonix- the original by goyte is way over played but the version that they do is AMAZING!

marry me- train- such a sweet and beautiful song :)

someone like you-adele- you can just feel the longing in her voice. and my heart just aches for her and its so soulful

honestly- hot chelle rae- fun song and by the end its the right way to break up with someone. help them get over you and then help them move on and hope that they are happy

a thousand years- christina perri- such a romantic and beautiful song

king of anything- sara bareilles- just makes a point to people that they are not that great and takes them down to a normal level. i love it!

lucky- jason mraz featuring colbie callait- about love and having a relationship long distance and still keeping that connection over the miles

easy- rascal flatts - such a beautiful song and really shows how much two people can still care for each other even though no longer together

glad you came- wanted- those guys are super attractive and this is such a fun and sexy song and i cant help dancing like a crazy person during it :)

you belong with me- taylor swift- i've had this happen so many times where the boy falls for the bad girl. just waiting for them all to wake up :)

starships- cover by pentatonix- they are just incredible and this is the most fun music video ever!

broken arrow- pixie lott- such a sad and beautiful song full of all this longing for this person

call me maybe- carly rae jepsen- i love all the parodies to this song and i hate the end of it where the boy turns out gay. nothing against gay people but i really wished he fell for the girl and not a member of the band

remind me- brad paisley featuring carrie underwood- gorgeous song and i love the chemistry that it portrays in the song. so beautiful

mr know it all- kelly clarkson- she wont let any of the media or anyone get inside her head and take her down, because shes fricken amazing!!

september- earth wind and fire- from my first marching band show freshman year it was the closer and its just a fun and up beat song and i cant help dancing to it :) all the time

springsteen- eric church- this song reminds me of mike and trenton and singing in trents truck :) i love it

i wont give up- jason mraz- such a wonderful song about commitment and loving that person for the rest of your life. this man seriously cares :)

shake it off- florence and the machine- that band in general is just amazing! it makes you feel better and its a very strong song

wanted- hunter hayes- i love every bit of this song. in my life i find meaning in things where i am needed or wanted the most. i like  to feel needed. and this song just tugs on every emotion i have and i just love it. if anyone were to understand me and want to know what i love. just listen to these lyrics and you will know the way to my heart.

enjoy
live
laugh
and love alot
 <3 <3 <3

Ferdinand

i have been on a bit of a writing block

i can not honestly think of anything to write about

so this is just a blog of random things about me

if you truly know me you'll know that Ferdinand the bull by Munro Leaf is my all time favorite childrens story

and i have no idea why

i guess when i was younger i never really thought of the message behind it and thought it was boring

but right now i feel like it has this wonderful meaning to me

how the bull is supposed to fight and his sole purpose in life is to fight and fight and fight

and yet hes perfectly content sitting under his favorite cork tree just smelling the flowers

it gives you a feel of to just enjoy the simple things in life 

like smelling the flowers and enjoying life

whenever i'm having a bad day and i just need to calm down i read that book and the world is at peace

hes just such a gentle soul

if you truly know me you'll know that i love yellow roses

i think that they are so classic and simple apposed to all those red and pink roses

red and pink are way overdone and imply romance

i like yellow because it still has that innocence and stand for friendship

and i think if you are ever going to love someone you have to be friends with the first

you cant just jump to soul mates

you have to care for them first

if you truly know me you'll know that i think the biggest compliment i will ever get is to be called witty

I've been called beautiful sexy and pretty way to many times

i need something different and those are all way over used

i need something new

i have so much more to me than my looks

i have been told that i should be a model

but i think i can make the world a way better place using my mind instead of my body

and sure some of those do imply an inner person

but not all the time 

i have a mind and i'd like to be know for that instead of my body

if you truly know me you'll know that i feel most comfortable in jeans

there is something so sexy and confident about jeans

i could honestly conquer the world if i was wearing a pair of skinny jeans

they cover everything and they pretty much go with anything

if you truly know me you'll know i love hats and boots

they add so much personality to things

and i think that they have the best styles and can be worn anywhere

i especially love fedoras and cloches and brown leather boots with heels and straps

just girly boots that are not in girly colors

i think brown can be sexy and strong at the very same time

i have a pair of boots that i call my "butt kicking boots"

i honestly feel like i could kick someones butt in these boots

if you truly know me you'll know i have a heart condition

when i was 15 hours old i had open heart surgery because there was a narrowing in my aortic arch

i'm fine now. 

i just have an 11 inch scar on my back that i wear with pride

i cant be a champion weight lifter but that's OK because i don't want to be that

if you truly know me you'll know that i cant keep my hands still

i have to constantly be touching something or playing or messing with something 

that's why i wear a lot of jewelry because i play with it a ton

if you truly know me you'll know that i grew up listening to country music

John Denver with rocky mountain high was probably the first song i can remember

there is something soulful about about that music

i know people are always annoyed with the twang of it but it just brings me back to my roots

its weird i know

if you truly know me you'll know that i love it when people play with my hair

especially if they have long nails

i just love it

its so soothing and wonderful

i honestly love going to get my hair cut for the main reason that i love it when they do my hair

i could fall asleep with someone playing with my hair

if you truly know me you'll know that i love lotion

i have to have some with me at all times

i cannot stand having dry hands or seeing dry hands or feeling dry hands 

they just drive me up the wall

and i am pretty spot on with naming fragrances

so there it is 

some things about me that you now know

enjoy

live 

laugh 

and love alot

all the single ladies and valentines day

valentines day
one of the most pressured days of the year for romance
and quite frankly one of the sweetest days of the year too
half of the people are walking around school with flowers (97.72% of the time they are red roses) or chocolate or erroneously sized teddy bears with "i wuv you" on the stomach.

and then there is the other side of the spectrum. those of us who are single on the day filled with so much love for a significant other.
just yesterday one of my good friends aurora (i freaking love her name!) asked if i had a boyfriend. seeing as my currently relationship status on facebook is single, not really.

but i'm fine with it. i know some day i will be recieving the flowers and chocolate and the excessive ammounts of kisses. just not this year and thats totally fine by me.

last year at this time i was in a relationship and it was nice and everything but its nothing to all the hype that people have for today. i mean its just one day out of the year. 1 in 365.

people often have these crazy visions of what will happen on valentines day. some believe that a prince will come riding up on a white horse, sweep you off your feet and you'll ride off into the sunset. thats not reality. life is so much more interesting then that.
now tell me if i'm wrong, but i know of nobody actually having that done to them.
sure there are plenty of happily ever afters that exist. but love at first sight, who knows if that's even real.

i've tried at my hand at some "princes" and its never really worked out. most of the time they are just really good friends. so college here i come! next valentines day, who knows, maybe i'll be in a relationship. if not thats ok. i've survived 17 years (18 years old - last year with ex = 17)without a boyfriend to shower me with gifts, i think i can survive another valentines day as a single lady.

besides who else can eat an entire box of chocolate by herself and not feel bad about it.  no one to please. no worrying about what to get the guy. like i would know what to get! no hyped up expectations on what will happen tonight. so while the rest of you are playing tonsil hockey, i will be enjoying a carbo load, cheesy romantic music, a box of chocolates and spending time enjoying my family. because in the end your family will love you to the end of time :)

so happy valentines day

NOT
singles awareness day,

today is a day of love and romance. embrace the love you have in your life even if its not from a significant other. and if it is, then enjoy yourselves. live it up.

and remember
its fine to be single lady
and
fairytales are not reality
your life is way better then that.

<3 <3 <3

what is the deal with getting a new years kiss?

what is the deal with a new years kiss?

i mean really people

people make all this hype about kissing someone at midnight on new years eve
whats the magic behind that besides any other time of the year?
is it some horny hormone crazed moment where your just acting like everybody else?
bunch of sheep
or are you doing it because it actually means something
welcoming the new year with the people you love
or if your in time square- a bunch of random horny strangers :D
- my question is. if you are in times square why would you kiss a random stranger? that just seems icky to me


but whats so magical about having a kiss?
are you actually going to end up with this person?
like getting one kiss could change everything?

well i honestly could care less if i get a kiss on new years
i used to care and i was self conscious because i was the only one that didn't have someone to kiss at midnight
and you know what?

now i don't give a crap
i could honestly care less if i have some one to kiss at midnight

if i get kissed- great, cool, whatever.
- I've sort of stopped believing in fairy tales so that includes getting kissed on new years
if not- that's totally fine with me
but i wont beat myself up over not getting a kiss
life is too short to worry about the small stuff like not getting kissed


so go on and pucker up for your midnight kiss
all you girls put on your favorite raspberry lemonade lipgloss and guys pop your breath mints
i'll be singing aud lang syne and toasting to the new year
instead of playing tonsil hockey like 99.99% of the rest of the population
guess whose not going to be the sheep on new years eve?
this girl

- dare to be different :) and love yourself for it

<3

17

my life as a 17 year old girl is almost over

currently in about three hours i will be a scary 18 year old

a LEGAL ADULT!!!

eep!

i can buy cigarettes

and dry ice

woopie i can make smoking toilets

oh and lottery tickets :D

 so i have learned a few things from being an average 17 year old girl

such as

-don't drive on a flat

-make sure your lights are off before you leave your car or your car will die

-make sure to defrost your car all the way- its the scariest thing in the world when you cant see and your having your little sister direct you into the Safeway parking lot

-watch your gas gauge

     -as you can see most of my learning has been about my car

- make sure you have your keys in your hand before you exit your care and accidentally lock them in there

       -i have done that twice. once while i was at my field experience and once when it was freezing cold outside

              - if you do manage to lock your keys in your car make sure you at least have a phone, a warm jacket and get an extra set outside of your car. even a coat hanger on hand helps

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- don't associate with people that suggest you to come over to their house and you don't know them all that 

              - as in creepy boys

- prom is pretty cool. not as cool as its making it out to be but its still pretty awesome

- its totally fine to be a "single lady"

- you don't have to have a date to fit in

- don't date friends- EVER

- don't think about going out with people that flirt allot just because they are"nice"

-protect your heart

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-don't give in to drama. drama is just caused by people that are too petty or too proud to accept another persons differences.

            - the bigger person is the first one to say that they are sorry

- don't believe everything that people tell you. you have to think for themselves

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-don't over schedule yourself

- if you get on probation in NHS. show ms low wrong and get off probation the next semester

-start studying for AP tests early

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-don't get your hopes up too high because when they fall you will be a blubbering mass of jello

-put yourself out there. if you act like yourself  you will attract people that love you for who you are and weed out the people that don't really matter in your life

- don't be afraid to speak your mind

-be honest-but don't be mean while being honest

-don't doubt yourself. your capable of so much if you just believe in yourself

-ask why not

live

laugh

love allot

and be fearless

that's my new years resolution

to be fearless

i know that sounds totally cliche

but it works for me :)

never grow up

i wish i would never grow up
i legitimately wish that most days
like i'm peter pan or something along those lines
who knows

like all these problems i'm facing with confusing boys and stress and drama and what other crap that can and will exhist in my life
its just dumb
i wish i was four years old again
i could take naps
and the hardest decision was which snack i wanted
-fruit snacks or goldfish
there was no drama about if this guy liked you or not
you had a boyfriend and the only reason he actually was you boyfriend was because he shared his fruit snacks with you, just a simpler time.

wouldnt it be great to go back to a time when you were so innocent to the world

when the easter bunny and santa clause were real and not your parents- sorry if i just blew that out of the water for you

when you didnt have to get told at the doctors that you can come to them for birth control and your parents dont have know about it, which i think is weird because i tell them that i'm just barely if not even dating and they still give me that talk every single time!- i live under a rock remember!

when you mention "kids" and people automatically assume that they are your legitimate kids, like flesh and blood. really people?!? - it was my teacher cadet kids or students from my 1st and 2nd grade classroom last year

when you didnt have to worry about your students because they have a boyfriend in 2nd grade and they are sort of figuring out boys - i just figured out some stuff actually

when my childhood sweetheart was dan cooper

when i still liked to play with my bijillion beanie baby kittens

when i had a legit play structure and sand box in my back yard (my neighbors can totally attest to how awesome it really was)

when you thought anybody could be a princess

when you still wished and waited for prince charming to come and sweep you off your feet

when the opposite sex wasnt so confusing

when life wasnt so complicated

when you thought high school was cool (something like highschool musical)

when you had must larger dreams

when there wasnt jokes about you ending up alone as the crazy old cat lady

when there werent any complicated feelings

when i used to draw my "j"'s  backwards :)

when you werent afraid to share your feelings

when my height wasnt so annoying- i mean really 5' 10"!  - i'm taller then about 50-75% of the guys in my class because of my fricken height!- and guys dont like girls that are taller then them- well what i have found at least



i dont want to grow up
i dont want my former 1st and 2nd graders to grow up
the song never grow up by taylor swift totally descibes my feelings towards them growing up. they are so little and innocent and i dont want any of them to have to go through the sometime trama of growing up, being in that awkward stage and sometimes getting their little heart broken.
i want them to stay innocent as long as possible
i want them to love still love justin bieber even if it means they keep their innocense and sense of wonder about the world, then i guess loving justin bieber is what it will take

as my mom used to say "i'll put bricks on your head so you'll stop getting so big" - dont worry she never did but it seemed like she too didnt want me to grow up too fast-maybe i should go get some bricks :p jk

maybe the reason why i suddenly don't want to grow up is because so many changes and experiences are going to happen in this next year. going off to college seems so scary and i almost don't feel old enough to be making that big of decision. deciding on my own, what i want to do, not what everybody else wants me to. i have to take my own life into my hands now
how scary is that?

i guess we all in sometime or another in our lives do not want to grow up, the future seems to scary or too overwhelming that you just want to go back to a time when you werent scared.
but growing up is about facing the unknown, facing the wind to your face instead of your back and learning to fly.

never growing up is unrealistic
no one person can stop themselves form aging or growing older just like how you cant keep the sun from setting
its inevitable

growing up is facing your fears
and even as a big scary senior in high school i dont want to face them yet
but i still have alot of growing up to do this year
i'll have to face the wind sometime
but not today
today i will curl up with my baby blanket and eat some fruit snacks while i watch re runs of scooby doo :)
i will grow up
just today i wont try to
i'll just enjoy my fruit snacks for now :)

<3

best thing i never had

every person who has ever been used totally knows what being used feels like

it sucks

let me just tell you that

i have been used

believe it or not

the unique music blogger chick actually has been used by guys

i know suprising

i dont get why guys like to use me

i guess because i'm "hot", i just think i'm pretty

they think i'd be a great booty call

when really i'm not that experienced

and i would never and will never be a booty call

that would be an all time low for me

i just wont

i need respect

i demand it

i will never stoop to that level of using my body that way

no way in h e double hockey sticks will i ever be that

i am many things

and will be many things

but i will never be a booty call

i was having a very similar conversation with one of my best friends nick miller yesterday

and he doesnt understand it either

there is soo much more to me then just what i look like

i was talking to an ex and he had criticized my date idea and was trying to pull himself out of what he did

and he was complimenting me

and all the compliments were mostly about what i looked like

not really who i was inside

beauty is more than skin deep

i think the using initially started in 8th grade

this boy "liked" me because i was "hot" and "smart" - really it wasnt hard to be smarter then him because i was supposed to be in honors science and somehow was in regular and he was supposed to be in that class

he was the popular bad boy

not my type at all

so he asked me out

and i was very suprised

i went on for about a week and i just sort of knew he wasnt right

i turned him down

and people glared at me

legitimatly glared at me

and he pretended to cry if i ever turned him down

so i felt bad

i think thats the first time i let people use me against myself

why should i feel bad for turning down a guy that would have just hurt me more then do good

he would have used me i know

i guess i was so desperate for something that remotely resembled a relationship that it took me a week to actually turn him down- i know it was stupid middle school drama, but being the girl that never had a boyfriend or was ever well noticed, it was sort of nice to have some small shred of a relationship and for one small minute fit in

thank god i got over that

i did have thoughts that it could work

and then they would be overwhelmed by thoughts of those saying "he will hurt you" and "he is not for you" and "what will happen anyways?"

the next was probably that one guy that i had a fling with the summer before my junior year
yeah.....

and the next was the guy at summer camp this summer

i said "it was a great learning experience"- it was maybe 24 hours

and he replied "it was an experience"

nothing more

nothing less

just something that happened

no strings attached

just something

none of them really cared

they just wanted to use me

my good friend nick asked me a few days ago "what is up with you and getting used by guys?"

i answered "i have no idea"

so i'm done with being used
i wont let any of these guys back into my life, if they didnt care about me to start with and only got to know me for personal gain they have officially become scum and will never be someone who i care about deeply.
they never really cared
the just wanted something out of it that i didnt want to give and will never give to a guy like that
i learned something from each

the first guy- dont give into peer pressure,and just because the guy is popular and seems perfect, doesnt mean you should go out with him
the second guy- dont believe everything a guy whos too good to be true says, and take it slow
the third guy- guard your heart and listen to your friends,and dont tear your self apart over that one of the reasons he didnt want to continue anything was because you were taller than him.

i learned from each and now i know the truth that they were just trying to use me
i know now to listen to my heart,
take it slow and at my own pace that i am comfortable at
dont let others influence your opinion on what you should or shouldnt do- mostly on what i should do
love yourself for who you are, even if you are taller then 75% of guys in your class- it sucks being a 5' 10" tall girl

so the song "best thing i never had" by beyonce
pretty well describes how i feel towards these guys now
i have moved on and now i am a stronger person because of it
they all taught me something and probably somewhere in the depths of their minds they are thinking "d*mn! i totally screwed up that time. what was a thinking?!?"

"did you expect me to care?"- not any more
"you dont deserve my tears" - i have cried over each of you, but no longer
"i guess thats why they aint there"- will never cry over you again

so if this is to all males out there that even have a small shred of thought that they would like to use me
DONT!
i will not let you
and will never let you
and there will be h e double hockey sticks to pay if you do
i'm a stronger person
i'm smarter than i was
and i have learned
i am an unstoppable force

if your not the wind at my back, your the wind to my face
dont hold me down
dont even think about trying to use me
because i will never be the used again
and i will never be the user ever

and to all the guys that have done me wrong

"i bet it sucks to be you right now"